When love gets blurry

«Dating is awful”, “Everyone good is already taken”. “I feel like nobody wants to date me”, or even worse, “I`d already dated them”

If these are common thought in your head, you might need to let go of all this negativity and your way of thinking should change if you want to success on the dating scene.

Some people has to change the way they feel about what they’re feeling. Meaning, you have to recognize that the stories you tell yourself, about yourself, aren’t necessarily true. However, saying them enough usually makes them become true.

Anyone felt the stress of keeping someone interested while seeming like a fun cool girl, while maintaining a distance to not seem needy? Over thinking this, makes everything worse. The fear of rejection and the belief that the reason for not having a partner is because something is wrong with you, is common for many people. This way of thinking is not true at all and can really ruin your dating game.

Here are 5 tips on how to rethink the way of dating, and the way you feel about it.

1. Make sure you like yourself more

One of the most important things to do when it comes to improve your dating game is to work on your self image. If your brain is bullying you and telling you that you’re not good enough, a great tip is to make a list of things you like about yourself. It sound a bit cheesy, but it’s a fact that sometimes putting pen to paper is very effective. Read the list often to yourself. Repetition can help cement what you know to be true.

2. Don`t tell yourself dating is hard

All humans are pattern-making machines, we know for a fact from psychology and neuroscience research that the brain see what it looks for. So to be more specific, a negative outlook leads to a negative outcome. If you tell yourself that it’s nothing out there for you, your brain will miss seeing opportunities that it would had recognized if you told yourself that it’s lots of options out there for you.

3. Always image the relationship you want, not the person you want

One of the absolute biggest mistakes people make in dating is focusing on the kind of person they want to date, rather than the kind of relationship they want to have. It’s so easy to focus on Mr. Right, tall with dark hair, green eyes ( and perhaps a thriving career). These qualities tell you nothing about how this person will treat you or how your personalities match.

4. You have to look for reasons to continue seeing someone, instead of reasons to stop

It is quite human to be judgmental about people in general, perhaps especially if you are dating them. It’s in our nature to look for reasons to disqualify someone. This is probably a defense mechanism not to get hurt and stay out of trouble. Heartbreak and sadness is a part of life and therefore a part of dating. We have to understand that the risk is always there, but do not let this make you worry or be judgmental. It will never do you any good, and it will  create more anxiety and sadness for yourself.

Next time you go on a date, you should ask yourself: If I already cared and knew this person, what would I think of them? It will open your eyes, and give you more possibilities for connection.

5. Be yourself, and stop putting on a act

We all have seen movies and heard stories about people who play games, manipulate and are not exactly themselves when they’re dating. This is a pretty stupid move if you looking for a relationship. You don’t want to be a fake version of you. Your personality and your interests should be a part of why you like each other, and why your dating. Therefore it’s important to just be you.